Child custody cases are often emotionally charged and it is not uncommon for one or both parents to act out of revenge. This can have devastating consequences for the children involved, as well as for the parents themselves.

Revenge is a form of aggression, according to a recent Forbes article. It’s a behavioral response by an individual based on their perception of an injustice they suffer. It’s directed against the villain in this drama, whom the aggressor identifies (rightly or wrongly) as the cause of the injury.

The person seeking revenge must have a perception of (if not having sustained actual) harm — through no fault of their own. Revenge and anger are closely related.  If a parent stays angry, it’s a good predictor of revenge.

Who Might Seek Revenge?

Psychological research shows three traits that make up the “dark triad” that most often lead to acts of vengeance:

• Narcissistic: Narcissistic people are boastful, selfish, arrogant, hypersensitive to criticism, and they lack empathy.
• Machiavellian: The word comes from 16th-century Italian politician and diplomat Niccolo Machiavelli. Machiavellianism is associated with manipulation, duplicity, self-interest, and a lack of morality/emotion.
• Psychopathy: Personality traits connected to psychopathy include manipulation, volatile and antisocial behavior, and a lack of empathy or remorse.

Narcissism has the weakest link to revenge. But people with any of these traits are more prone to seek revenge and become violent. Often those seeking revenge will also harass their victims.

About one out of every 20 people would not have any problem taking revenge on their ex-partner, according to a study published in 2019. It’s based on questionnaire responses from 384 parents of minor children.

How Might a Parent Attempt Revenge?

Parental revenge takes many forms, the most common being:

• Using the child and third parties to get one’s way;
• Economic manipulation (including protracted legal disputes, thereby increasing the other party’s legal fees and costs); and
• Cutting off communication

Men and women are equal when it comes to the magnitudes and types of vengeful behaviors. Revenge is seen as an alternative to our court system to impose a person’s version of justice on others, and the courts are used perversely as a weapon to attack the other side.

One parent may harm their child psychologically or physically in a way that is difficult or impossible to prove. When the other parent complains, the burden of proof is on them, and others may perceive them incorrectly as an aggressor fabricating claims.

Perpetrators objectify the other parent, their child, and others, seeing them as pawns or tools, not people, to help them avenge past humiliations. The more intense the relationship with the other parent, the greater the need for revenge.

How Does Revenge Harm Others?

Revenge can have devastating consequences for children. Children who are caught in the middle of a custody battle are often traumatized by the experience. They may feel like they are being pulled apart by their parents, and they may worry about their safety and well-being. In some cases, children are pawns in their parents’ revenge games.

For parents struggling to cope with the emotional aftermath of a vengeful divorce, seek professional help. A therapist can help you to deal with your anger and grief in a healthy way, and they can also help you to develop strategies for co-parenting with your ex-partner in a way that is in the best interests of your children.

Contact Us Today

If you’re in the middle of a vengeful family court matter, or you fear asserting your rights will result in retaliation in some way, then you need to speak with a Kingston Law Group attorney.

Whether it involves child custody, child support, or other divorce proceedings, contact our office to arrange a consultation by calling us at 609-683-7400. We accept all major credit cards and offer general appointments from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., Monday to Friday, plus evening appointments during the week by pre-arrangement only. Call or write us today.  You will be glad you did!