Special Guest Blog Post by Rachel Alexander, Mediator

[Attorney Misty Velasques at Hanan M. Isaacs, P.C., recently published a blog post called “My Spouse Just had me Served with a Divorce Complaint: Now What??”

https://kingstonlawgroup.com//blog/divorce/#sthash.HH2j7W7M.dpuf

In this post, Guest Blogger Rachel Alexander, a New Jersey mediator and attorney, gives a mediator’s perspective on the same topic. What differences do you see in the two approaches?  Are they reconcilable? Enjoy Rachel’s post!!  — Hanan Isaacs, Editor]

If your ex spouse and you need post-divorce modification in NJ, you may need to negotiate a change, whether by mediation or lawyer advocacy.

Here in New Jersey, your divorce is finalized by a judge giving your Final Judgment document the gold seal.  After that, the plans we put into place for you take effect, which may include paying and receiving alimony/child support as well as your parenting time arrangements.

Sometimes, these agreements need to be adjusted once they have been moving around with you in the real world.  Remember, disagreements probably caused your divorce.  If your former spouse and you are required to have an ongoing relationship due to money and/or children,  it shouldn’t be a surprise that disagreements continue afterward. These disagreements are normally resolved just as your divorce was, through negotiation, mediation, and failing that, lawyer advocacy and litigation.

Most importantly, you may not make changes to your divorce agreement unilaterally.  For instance, you are not permitted to change your alimony payment just because you feel it should be lower.  This amount must be discussed, agreed upon, and approved by the parties or through the court.

Ideally, a divorce agreement should cover all the important issues between your ex-spouse and you.  If it doesn’t, then it was just a matter of time before an issue that was missed or avoided will arise post-divorce. Even if an issue causing friction appeared to have been resolved in an agreement, that’s not necessarily  the end of the story. If a situation has changed radically enough, a party could request that the agreement or order should be amended.

These types of ongoing problems are frequently caused by financial obligations that weren’t met, need to be adjusted, or disagreements about raising children, or a combination of these.

Here are some examples:

• When alimony needs to be adjusted: The receiver is earning more than expected or the payor is making less. The receiver is co-habiting or getting remarried and therefore alimony should be waived.
• When one party makes more money, the other may want to renegotiate child support.
• The current parenting time plan is not working due to schedules changing, a child’s activities, or one parent starting to travel for work.
• One spouse wants to move a long distance away with a child, which could disrupt existing custody or parenting time arrangements.

Whatever the issue may be, you will need help to come to a solution agreeable to both parties.  You may hire attorneys or a mediator to deal with these post divorce issues.

If you find yourself involved in serious disagreements with your ex-spouse, and you want to explore how mediation can resolve the conflict, contact my office so we can discuss the situation and how we can help. If mediation is not enough, then contact attorneys Hanan Isaacs or Misty Avallone at the Hanan M. Isaacs, P.C., law firm.