In an ideal world, a couple deciding to separate and divorce could work together to amicably and harmoniously achieve their social and financial goals. Unfortunately, that is not always possible. For most couples, even in a less than ideal situation, there are some things they can do to increase the chances of an uncontested divorce.

According to the nation’s leading divorce attorneys, a key factor in an amicable divorce is speed. That might sound counter-intuitive, but there are sound reasons to move quickly through the divorce process, such as:

• Staying focused — The sooner you go your separate ways, the better the chances of holding on to mutual respect. You are, literally, moving on. While one or both partners may feel hurt, angry, or sad, it is possible achieve this clarity:  People can move apart respecting the love and friendship they once shared.  The longer the divorce takes to execute, the harder it is to hold on to those feelings.
• Keeping it between yourselves — Friends and family may feel they are being supportive, but they lack objectivity and may resist your desire to separate and divorce amicably. The longer the divorce process, the more opportunity for intervention by well-meaning but zealous bystanders.
• Keeping the costs down — Divorce delays cost money. Whether you are going through collaborative law, divorce mediation, divorce arbitration, or a trial: those who hold out for perfection are looking at a larger price tag.  Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good, or the good enough. For the sake of your bank accounts, move things along quickly so as not to incur unnecessary expenses.  If the parties share that concern, they can achieve significant financial savings in the divorce transaction.
• Preventing complications — As time goes on, both parties are likely to go through an emotional separation that makes room for new relationships. This is natural and to be expected. We are, after all, human beings.  The introduction of a new lover can greatly complicate the divorce process, contributing to a more hostile and less generous atmosphere in which to negotiate and compromise. The sooner a couple divorces, the fewer the distractions that can interfere with sound and rationally based decision-making.
• Creating stability for children — Partners with children are often reluctant to introduce changes into their kids’ lives. A long drawn-out divorce means delaying the creation of a new reality for children, and this can cause then undue anxiety and uncertainty. Moving quickly on the divorce may seem abrupt, yet it will enable children to adjust more quickly as well. Recall the common wisdom here of pulling off the Band-Aid quickly, rather than in stops and starts.
• Get experts involved for therapeutic and financial reasons – “It takes a village to get these people divorced.” That is a traditional African proverb, updated by this author to reflect the reality of modern divorce.  Lawyers are not mental health experts.  Lawyers are not CPA’s or financial planners.  Those experts are essential for many divorcing couples to consult, sometimes together.  Therapists can engage the couple in separation counseling, family therapy, or individual therapy.  Financial experts can help parties plan for their immediate, mid-range, and long-term financial goals; help parties create realistic budgets; help parties develop a fair-minded view of the historical marital lifestyle; assist parties in developing accurate and sustainable alimony and child support amounts and durations; and recommend the optimal division and distribution of jointly acquired marital assets and debts.
• Use collaborative law, mediation, and arbitration instead of seeking your day in court (which is more like 2 years in court) – This item speaks for itself. Don’t spend your children’s college funds educating your lawyers’ children or grandchildren.  Alternative dispute resolution has become very popular in New Jersey.  Parties retain the right to decide what processes to use, in what order and combination, to achieve their goals.  They can go through facilitative process, private judging (binding or not binding), use of experts, or a more court-directed process if that is what they want or need.  The less intensive and invasive the process, the faster, more private, less expensive, and less stressful the outcome.

In sum, once you have decided to divorce, it is important to move forward. We do not recommend moving more quickly than you are able to do.  But neither do we recommend taking more time than is healthy for the couple and for our client. A skilled and experienced family law attorney can help your separation and divorce go as smoothly and quickly as is advisable under your circumstances. Call the Central Jersey law offices of Hanan M. Isaacs, P.C., at 609-683-7400, or contact us  online to set up a near-term reduced rate initial consultation.  We will listen to your facts, explain the law, and advise you as to your best pathway to economic and social justice for yourself and your children.  Call today.  You will be glad you did.