We once had a divorce case in which one of the parties bitterly complained, throughout the matter: “He had the nerve to send a sheriff to my house to serve me with those divorce papers!” In fact, the sheriff’s service was the final straw after many months of failed attempts to get this individual’s attention.

Our first suggestion in such painful divorce matters (and not all of them are: sometimes both parties realize the end is here; but not always) is to recommend marital therapy. In some instances, one party will initiate the divorce without ever having talked to the other spouse about underlying issues. And many couples file for divorce before they consider couples therapy. A wise lawyer’s timely referral can save the parties their marriage, family, tremendous assets, and a world of pain.

We have seen couples therapy work to reconcile some marriages. One of our clients withdrew her divorce complaint two months after filing because her husband agreed to attend therapy for the sake of their son. They’re still married and the wife followed up with me a year after she withdrew her complaint to tell me that things were indeed better in the marriage.

If couples therapy doesn’t work, we encourage our clients to see a personal therapist, as the divorce process can be emotionally and mentally tolling.

If you are facing a complex separation or divorce matter with a lot of moving parts, consider also retaining an accountant or financial advisor to guide you through certain financial decisions and possible consequences of those decisions. We want to ensure that our client is wisely and correctly counseled financially throughout the process.

Our client next must determine whether to pursue a less adversarial approach such as mediation, collaborative law, or two-attorney negotiations, or even arbitration. See our articles on Alternative Dispute Resolution for details.

If alternative dispute resolution is not acceptable, then we discuss the immediate next steps with the client and what to expect throughout the divorce process.

Some people ask: “Does it really take a village to get us divorced?” And often our answer is: “YES!!” We would rather help our clients measure twice and cut correctly – once. It is less expensive and more satisfying for people to bring in the right combination of substance and process experts at the beginning of a matter than it is to fight a divisive and unhappy court battle for three years.

We have a network of expert and licensed New Jersey therapists, accountants, financial advisors, appraisers, and other professionals that your case may require to help us protect your rights.

If you or your friends or loved ones have a case or concern about marital rights, separation, divorce, or post-divorce issues, and you or they need experienced legal counsel, please call or write to us. We wil