The share of America’s older population is growing, and that group is not shy about getting divorced. This combination creates record numbers of divorces for those who may have been married thirty or more years. No matter your age, Kingston Law Group can help if you’re considering getting divorced.

Why are More Older People Getting Divorced?

Gray divorces, those involving spouses fifty and older, doubled between 1990 and 2010, reports a 2022 study, according to an article in Vox. More than a third (36%) of US divorces are gray. For almost two-thirds of them, this isn’t their first divorce. Younger couples have higher divorce rates, but gray divorce rates are catching up.

Before the 1970’s, there were only “fault” divorces, in which couples needed to justify the legal end to their marriage. Then came “no fault” divorces, and the number of marriages ending in courtrooms increased.

More women joined the workforce starting in the 1960’s, and some were no longer financially dependent on their husbands. That group is reaching its 60’s and 70’s, and many of them have the resources to get divorced and live on their own. The social stigma of divorce has faded over time. Couples no longer feel compelled to stay together for the sake of staying together.

Generally, older couples divorce for reasons similar to younger couples, with some exceptions. One survey of older divorcees found the following:

• Men divorced because they grew apart from their wives, their spouse’s infidelity, different financial views, their wives’ mental health issues, or disagreements about their children
• Women’s top motivators included infidelity, their spouse’s addiction to pornography or alcohol, emotional abuse, growing apart, and their husbands’ mental health issues

Older adults weren’t getting divorced for personal fulfillment because their spouses held them back from living their best lives. But traditional midlife milestones may push couples to at least consider divorcing. If grown kids leave the household, then child rearing is no longer a distraction.

The focus now is on the relationship. Discontent that may have simmered over the years may burst into the open. Retirees may question what they want to do with the rest of their lives and how/if they want to relate to their spouses.

What are the Financial Consequences of a Gray Divorce?

Child support and custody aren’t normally issues in gray divorce (but pet custody may be) so the big nut to crack is usually dividing retirement income, assets, and debts. Usually, finances, incomes, and debts have been blended for decades. Women are at risk of getting the short end of the income and asset stick in a gray divorce.

Often both spouses take a hit in a gray divorce. Splitting wealth at a later age can result in a 50 percent loss in wealth that’s not regained. One study found divorcing older women see their household income drop by 45 percent, compared to 21 percent for men. Women typically only make up for this loss by remarrying or finding another partner. They’re also more likely to have put their careers on the backburner to raise children, and earn less than men during their lives, so they probably contributed less to retirement than their husbands.

A critical part of the divorce process is dividing assets and income equitably. Ideally, both spouses should leave a marriage on roughly equal financial footing. Effective legal counsel can help a spouse restart their lives with a fair share of the couple’s financial resources.

How Do Lives Change After a Gray Divorce?

If women are harmed more financially in gray divorces, men take the social hit. Mutual friends tend to side with the ex-wife. During marriages, many men rely on their wives for social planning. They may lag behind their wives in the quantity and quality of friends. Gray divorce support groups can help men connect with others facing similar challenges.

We have to plan for retirement in many ways, not just financially. The same is true of those going through gray divorces. Most of those undergoing gray divorces are happy that they did, but there’s a risk you could go from living with someone in a dysfunctional divorce to living alone and in isolation.

More than 16 million older Americans are living alone, or 28 percent of those 65 and older (compared to about ten percent in 1950), according to the San Diego Union-Tribune, and many have significant health issues. Almost 40 percent have the following:

• Vision or hearing loss
• Difficulty caring for themselves and living independently
• Problems with cognition, or
• Other disabilities

If help at home isn’t available, living alone can magnify these challenges and make problems worse. Compare to those living with others, seniors living on their own have a higher risk of the following:

• Becoming isolated, depressed, and inactive
• Having accidents
• Neglecting to care for themselves
• Being hospitalized more often
• Suffering earlier-than-expected deaths

There are no one-size-fits-all solutions for older divorcees living isolated lives. Living near family and maintaining friendships should help, but moving away to be closer to family may take you away from friends. Support groups and volunteering can be critical to keeping someone connected to others. Working can help your finances and maintain relationships with others. Planning your life after your divorce may be just as crucial to your well-being as planning your divorce.

Contact Kingston Law Group for Help with Divorce Matters

For help with a divorce, call us at 609-683-7400 to arrange a near-term reduced-fee initial consultation. We will listen to your facts, discuss the law, and advise you of your options. We accept credit cards and offer appointments from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., Monday through Friday. We also have pre-arranged evening appointments. Contact us today. You will be glad you did!!