When a divorce involves children, parents have many questions about child custody and parenting time. As a New Jersey divorce lawyer, I work tirelessly to ensure that our clients find as much peace in their post-divorce lives as possible. This includes negotiating an outstanding financial agreement for them, as well as promoting excellent co-parenting relationships with their ex-spouses.

My good friend and colleague, Jennifer Gardella (www.jennifergardella.com), a New Jersey social media consultant, has established an amazing parenting relationship with her ex-husband (they actually refer to one another as “my co-parent”). I asked her how she and her co-parent keep the schedule straight, with three teenage daughters who, on any given day, seem to run in six different directions.

Here is our Q & A on the subject of co-parenting after divorce:

HMI: Jennifer, how did your co-parent and you develop such a great relationship post-divorce?

JG: You need to have a great relationship with your co-parent. I have seen this done very successfully and I also have witnessed when ex-spouses cannot stand to be in the same room. Nothing is better for the emotional health of your children than for you to put the past behind you and find a way to be friends with your ex. My ex and I are very good friends. Our youngest daughter commented to me just the other day, “Dad and you are like BFFL’s (Best Friends for Life).” And yes, it’s true: we care deeply about one another.

HMI: In your experience, how does good communication lead to excellent co-parenting?

JG: While communication is essential for any successful relationship, it is critical for managing the schedules of three children who go to different schools, participate in combined 5 different activities, and live in two different households at different times. My co-parent and I check in constantly about schedules, cancellations, carpools, and special events.

HMI: Jennifer, it sounds like flexibility is a key skill required to make this complex and shifting system work well. Do you agree?

JG: For any two parents who are juggling careers and home activities, life can throw curveballs. You need to be flexible. I sometimes have to travel, and I need my co-parent to take the kids even though it is my week. When he is able, the kids will spend a few extra days with him and then I make up for the time when I get back. Flexibility also means being rolling with it when something goes wrong. There was the time I was about to start my biggest speaking engagement to date, and one of our daughters bashed her head on a locker at school, requiring stitches. My co-parent was on-call and stepped up for the family. It was amazing.

HMI: How do the two of you keep schedules straight for two parents and three children? It is hard enough doing that inside one household, let alone two.

JF: You need a central place to keep information. We use a combination of paper and Google calendars to keep our schedules straight. This got me thinking that there must be other options, so your (Hanan’s) staff and I did a little research. Given that everyone seems to run most of their lives with websites and apps, we were not surprised to find three great online schedule options, which are inexpensive resources for parents with busy children and complex lives. Whichever path you choose, make sure that you and your co-parent agree on a system and commit to using it. It might take a few months to get into your groove and you may have to search for new options if your original plan doesn’t work out.

HMI: Thanks for your valuable experiential insights, Jennifer. I am sure our blog readers appreciate your generous comments.

JG: They and you are most welcome. My pleasure to help.

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COPARENTLY

WEBSITE: http://coparently.com/coparenting-calendar

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CUSTODY XCHANGE

WEBSITE: www.custodyxchange.com

PRICE: Lite Edition: $67 / Personal Edition: $147 / Deluxe Edition: $297

FEATURES:

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Deluxe Edition: Journaling, Journaling notes document, Expense tracking and invoices, Actual-time tracking, Actual-time differences document, Printable actual-time calendars

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PARENT WIZARD

WEBSITE: www.parentwizard.com

PRICE: $149.95 per year

FEATURES:

Time Stamping of Your Records Time Tracker module

Scheduling Calendar Secure Private Journal

Child Support Tracker ‘At-A-Glance’ Home Page

Private Message Center Contacts & Address Book

Graphs & Statistics Personal Preferences

Print & Export module Guest User Features

Tasks & Notes list