Parenting can be quite challenging, and maintaining healthy relationships during and after divorce can be difficult. While the courts may decide financial responsibilities and the division of parenting time, it is up to divorcing parents themselves to fill in the many blanks left by the court process and co-parent according to the best interests of the child.

Here are effective tips to successfully navigate five common challenges to co-parenting:

1. Scheduling — Children benefit from consistent scheduling, especially around meals and bedtime. Children’s schedules change as they grow, develop new interests, make new friends, and learn new activities. Each parent should employ as much flexibility as possible and communicate with the other parent often, focusing on the mutual desire to meet their children’s needs.

2. Communication — While it might be awkward to speak to your ex or attend school meetings with him or her, it is essential that both parents communicate about the needs of the children they share. Use OurFamilyWizard or Whatsapp or Facebook to exchange information. With an older child, set up a group that includes everyone to encourage an open exchange of ideas, even if the parents ultimately make the decisions.

3. Financial issues — If one parent has more financial resources than the other, that parent may be tempted to buy a child’s affection. The less affluent parent may feel resentful and powerless to compete. Start by establishing some spending ground rules, agreeing on what the child should or should not own, and then have trust that children will see through bribery as they mature.

4. Badmouthing — It may be tempting for one parent to badmouth the other parent, especially in a high conflict divorce. However, children are entitled to love both their parents and the only result of badmouthing is that the children learn to disrespect the parent who engages in it. Or the children will act out because the image of the other parent in their head becomes distorted and emotionally fraught. The more positively parents speak about their ex, the more cooperative the ex will be in every way, especially in co-parenting. Keep it respectful.

5. Lifestyle choices — If your ex and you have different views on major parenting issues such as education, health care, extracurricular activities, food, and fitness, then it is tempting to use those differences to leverage the children’s affection in one direction or the other. Instead of doing that, help the child identify their own preferences and support them in having both homes suited to their specific needs. Children don’t need parents who think and act exactly alike all the time. They DO need parents who are clear about the need for children to respect the house rules in both houses, and who are themselves respectful of the other parent.

Co-parenting with an ex can be difficult, but it can also produce the best possible outcomes in the aftermath of a divorce. When both parents keep truly focused on the children’s best interests, the kids get the best each of their parents has to offer them. If you are divorcing or considering it, you should get the benefit of experienced and compassionate family law attorneys to help you navigate these issues so your children may thrive. We are compassionate counsel and tough advocates. Call Hanan M. Isaacs, P.C., at 609-683-7400 or contact us online to schedule a near-term initial consultation at a reduced fee. You will be glad you did.