In days gone by, children came home from school, grabbed a quick snack, and headed outside to play with the neighborhood kids, for hours on end. Today, few hours of a child’s day are left unscheduled, with organized extracurricular activities taking up most of the time that a child is not in school. In New Jersey, as in neighboring states, these activities can cost parents a pretty penny, with expenses quickly piling up for things like traveling sports teams and dance lessons.

Passing the buck?

While intact families may simply budget for these activities, like any other monthly bills, some parents in divorce may attempt to avoid responsibility when the terms of support payments are hammered out. The problem is, child support is supposed to cover most of these expenses.  In reality, it probably does not.

The parties’ budgets are already strained because people who used to live as one now have to cover two living units, plus ordinary and extraordinary expenses for themselves and their children.  Combined with the reality that New Jersey is the first or second most expensive state in which to raise a family, these financial issues often become a matter of intense negotiations between and among the parties, their lawyers, divorce mediators, financial planners, therapists, and others whom the parties may consult.

Alimony payments complicate the math, because they have to be added to the supported spouse’s income and subtracted from the payor’s income, before calculating the parents’ respective shares of extracurricular activities.

When a parent, due to high earnings, has the means to pay for extracurricular activities and the other does not, the law does not let the advantaged parent off the hook so fast.  On the other hand, in a case we litigated some years ago, the reviewing judge said that “no parent has to pay for three ponies”, which later became known as the “three pony rule”.  In that case, the court said the primary breadwinner did not have to pay for luxury items that went beyond the parties’ and society’s reasonable expectations, even if the supporting parent could afford it.

Parents with means

Parents who can afford to pay for reasonably expected extracurricular activities will often be required to do so. The typical approach to apportioning responsibility for such payments is to designate them as “extraordinary expenses”, separate from child support. In some cases, parents agree to pay extracurriculars in proportion to their incomes. In circumstances in which one spouse earns considerably more than the other, or earns a substantial amount objectively, that parent may be called upon to pay all of the extracurriculars.

This analysis applies with some force when the children are ready to apply for college.  Divorcing or divorced parents of middle income means typically first apply children’s grants, loans, scholarships, work study, savings, and similar sources to college fees, costs, and expenses.  The parents usually pay for any shortfall in the same proportion as their respective incomes bear to the total.  The greater the disparity in incomes, the greater the chances that one party will pay for all or almost all of the college expenses, because the other party may have little or no ability to contribute.

The rule of law is that the financially advantaged parent should contribute disproportionately to the children’s college costs. This goes beyond a strict dollars and cents approach, and cuts to the heart of the matter, which is that society deems it fair, just, and reasonable for the financially advantaged parent to pay most and perhaps all of those college fees and costs, in the best interests of the children.

Conclusion

If you or someone you know is facing a crisis or concern about child custody, parenting time, child support (including extracurriculars and college costs), or equitable distribution of joint marital assets and debts, it is important to consult with a compassionate and experienced team of lawyers.  We will investigate the facts, research the law, and give you an opinion about the best way to proceed, which may involve negotiations first, followed by more intensive means to achieve your reasonable goals.  Let’s begin with a conversation.  Please write or call us to set up an initial consultation at a reduced fee.  We will be happy to help you.