Are You a Workplace Bully Lure? You Don’t Have to Be!
Are You a Bully Lure at Work? You Don’t Have to Be!
Bullying in the workplace has become epidemic in America. More than 35 million workers complain of abuse each workday, according to surveys. Almost as many workers witness such abuses.
What are the risk factors for bullying at work?
- Report the abuse immediately. Bullies want to know if you will stand for mistreatment. If you do, they will increase their misconduct.
Don’t ignore a bully. Not only will they stay put, but they will read your avoidance as a weak spot, an invitation to continue and escalate. Avoidance sends exactly the wrong message and actually encourages the bully to act.
Some employees hesitate to bring such matters to the attention of HR or supervisors. They must be educated to do so. And if HR and management are not supportive, or turn it around on you, then it may be time to polish up the resume and start calling the recruiters.
- Bullies prey on the easy targets. A bully will go after easy prey, people who are kind, friendly, or soft – “the nicest folks in the office”. The kindhearted are also often conflict avoidant. Why make trouble? In fact, conflict avoidance is the perfect lid for the bully’s pot. If you signal you are vulnerable and non-confrontational, bullies will see you as a perfect target.
Here are four solid strategies to engage:
A. Keep a discrete journal of the bully’s behavior, stating date, time, location, what was said or done, and listing any witnesses. If the bully is using social media to communicate with you, save all of it as evidence of abuse.
B. Get coaching from someone inside or outside the company
C. Be a principled self-advocate: easy on the person but hard on the merits: “You cannot speak to me that way. You cannot touch me. You are breaking company rules. I will not stand for that.” You don’t have to shout or yell or whisper about it. Just say what you mean and mean what you say.
D. If things don’t turn around quickly, then hasten to report the misconduct to HR and your supervisor, including written notes taken from your journal and social media proof.
3. Watch for early warning signs of bullying. Sometimes a bully will use the drip-drip-drip method of dragging you down. If you permit yourself to become desensitized, you are more likely to be boiled alive. The mere passage of time also gives bullies the upper hand.
Sometimes a co-worker, supervisor, or subordinate will insult or mistreat others simply because they have gotten away with this behavior in the past. Other times, the bully hates it when people question his or her power/authority.
Some bullies, when finally confronted, say “It was only a joke. Why is so-and-so being so sensitive?”
Workplaces should be safe and respectful for everyone. If you find yourself treading lightly, waiting for a second shoe to drop (on you?), that’s a sign of trouble.
Watch out for co-workers or bosses who are sadistic – in language, with practical jokes – and who enjoy causing torment to others.
The bully delights in controlling others and seeing them hurt.
New Jersey does not yet have a statute prohibiting bullying in the workplace and requiring management to act to investigate, punish, and mitigate this behavior, which is so devastating to workers, destructive to morale, and inhibiting economic growth and development.
- The bully resents you for something. Bullies target those who have something the bully wants. Perhaps the bully resents your reputation or relationship with a mutual supervisor. Or your job is the perfect steppingstone for the bully’s upward mobility. Whether bad timing, bad placement, or bad luck, you may be in line for direct conflict with a bully. What can you do?
Just realize you are up to the onslaught. You can handle anything the bully throws your way. You will defeat the bully if you recognize their ploys, resolve not to play their game, get support and help, deal with the problem squarely and directly, and don’t lose yourself in the process. You don’t have to turn into a bully to defeat one.
- There is safety in numbers. Like Mutual of Omaha’s “Wild Kingdom” t.v. series of old, lions and tigers only attack isolated animals. They will not go after the herd. Similarly, bullies will not attack those who have a power base and allies in the workplace. Bullies secretly fear being attacked and defeated themselves. Your alliances with co-workers and management will support and defend you from unwarranted attack. You can create a protective perimeter to ward off the bully’s offending behavior, so they won’t even try it with you.
Bullies aren’t dumb. If you isolate yourself, they will say lies about you and try to convince people you are the one with the problem. Your relationships with workers, HR, and management are key. Develop them. Sustain them. Show your integrity and positive contributions every day at work. Do not let a bully separate you from co-workers, HR, and management, especially from your supervisor.
CONCLUSION
Given the prevalence of workplace bullies, you may face one in the New Year. You may be facing one right now. Resolve to follow the ideas shared above. Get help from others, including legal help.
If you or someone you know faces bullying behavior in the workplace, discriminatory misconduct, retaliation, or any similar negativity, please contact the Kingston Law group, for a near-term reduced fee initial consult. We will meet with you face to face, listen to your facts, explain the law, and together we will figure out the fastest and best ways for you to achieve social and economic justice. We are compassionate counsel and tough advocates. We will help you vindicate your legal rights. Call us today. You will be glad you did.