For many divorcing parents, the idea of co-parenting seems a remote possibility indeed. However, any good family lawyer will tell you this:  the factor that best predicts successful child-based outcomes in a divorce context is for both parents to act in the best interests of the child. In an ideal world, divorce would not exist.  In the real world, divorcing parents should think creatively about how to continue to co-parent effectively.  Your children’s lives and future happiness literally depend on it.

The First Commandment of post-divorce co-parenting is this: Never, ever badmouth the other parent to your children. There are no exceptions to this rule. It is certainly understandable that parents get triggered and find it hard to resist the temptation to criticize an ex spouse, yet it is essential that you don’t indulge. Children are entitled to love both their parents, married or not, and ex-trashing only hurts children. That rule can be extended to the ex spouse’s new partner, stepchildren, and anyone else of significance in the lives of your shared children.

With that as the central guiding principle of divorced co-parenting, here are some tips to make the transition easier for children when they switch homes for parenting time:

• Provide a transitional object — a cuddly toy can offer a warm welcome for children of any age, even teenagers.
• Transport rather than extricate — the parent on duty should deliver the child to the other parent as opposed to coming in and removing the child from the parent’s home.
• Create similar living environments in both places — furnish the child’s room with familiarity and comfort in mind.
• Supply each home — keep enough clothing, shoes, school supplies and toiletries in each home to avoid carrying these items back and forth.
• Cultivate neighborhood friends — make a couple of friends in the park so the child has something social to anchor them in the new situation.
• Be flexible — make allowance for your child’s special events, like birthday parties or school trips, even if it cuts into your time.
• Don’t use children as messengers — use any means of communication you want when making changes in the parenting plan — with the exception of your child.

Co-parenting with your ex can be challenging. We know that.  For best results, create a fair and detailed parenting plan, with help from an experienced family law attorney. At Hanan M. Isaacs, P. C., we will help you be the best divorced co-parent possible. Call our Kingston, N.J. offices or contact us online today for a near-term appointment.  We offer a reduced-fee initial consult; weekday and evening appointments at mutually convenient times; and major credit and debit card financing (not Amex).