The State of New Jersey has been a progressive leader in promoting fair and consistent parenting plans in divorce cases. When divorced parents raise their children cooperatively, with a shared set of values and rules, they create a safe and nurturing environment for growth that serves the best interests of the children. There are cases, however, in which a child resists or refuses to spend time with one parent. However painful this may be for the targeted parent, or disruptive to the parties, making a change to the parenting plan depends largely on the age of the child and the circumstances related to the objection.

With a child under the age of eight, the court will rarely hear a child’s objection to parenting time, provided there is no history of problematic behavior by the target parent. Examples include:

• Physical, verbal, sexual or emotional abuse.
• Alcoholism or drug use.
• An unstable or inappropriate living situation.
• Physical or mental illness.
• Extreme poverty.

Absent any of these issues, if a young child objects to the established parenting time schedule, it may simply be due to the stress and changes that often accompany a divorce. If the child is 14 or over, the court is more likely to consider a child’s opinion or experience in revising a parenting plan.  However, each case is fact sensitive. For example a 16 year old with a drug addiction may not get the judge’s attention the same way a scholar athlete would.

Even when divorcing parents have worked together to create and implement a fair and realistic parenting plan, as a child grows up, issues may emerge that lead to his/her resistance or non-cooperation. Clearly, a parenting plan for an eight-year-old may not be appropriate for a 13-year-old, and the parent of primary residence at a child’s age 8 also may not be the better choice for a 16-year-old.

The first step for any parent considering a parenting plan revision should be to address any substantial changed circumstances in the child’s life. For example, a teenager may now object to the parenting plan due to changes in their schedule as they juggle time between school, sports, clubs and friends. Both parents should make every attempt to accommodate the needs of an older child or teen, while continuing to respect the letter and spirit of the parenting plan.

If your child is refusing to cooperate with the parenting plan, consult with a mental health professional to provide support for the child’s emotional wellbeing. A therapist or social worker may be able to glean information about the child’s objection that the parents are not able to ascertain.  Consider family therapy, not for reconciliation purposes, but rather to address the health and functioning, or lack of same, in the extended family system (two households, perhaps the presence of step-parents and –siblings, and whether communications are all that they should and need to be).

Even a very well executed parenting plan may need revision from time to time. If you are considering divorce or need a new parenting plan; dealing with a child’s out of state relocation; or need help with negotiations, mediation, arbitration, collaborative law, or a Family Court trial or hearing; please contact our office at 609-683-7400 to arrange a reduced fee initial consultation.  We accept all major credit cards (except for Amex) and offer general appointments from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., Monday to Friday, plus evening appointments during the week by pre-arrangement only.  We will be glad to assist you.