While the histrionics and high drama featured on the long-running TV program Divorce Court may make for entertaining television, the fact is that real life divorces in New Jersey bear little resemblance to their televised counterparts. One popular staple of this show is the elaborate dressing down of spouses offered by the program’s “judge,” who can be seen tossing litigants out of her “courtroom,” calling them “scandalous individuals,” “liars,” and “bad dudes.” Sadly, many people entering the divorce process think that their spouse will be put in his or her place in a similar manner, with the divorce trial serving as the ultimate means to teach their X-2-B a well deserved life lesson.

Keeping it real

In the real world, the primary purpose of divorce proceedings is to delineate the legal rights and obligations that spring from a state-recognized relationship. As such, the judge does not serve as either party’s ally. For a person who expects divorce to be the ultimate means to even the score, the process can be disappointing at best — and completely disastrous at worst, when such expectations blinded them to possibly favorable terms of a divorce settlement that is now off the table.

Eyes on the prize

Since the judge’s job description requires him or her to remain impartial, taking sides or moralizing would actually fly in the face of their function within the legal system. Instead, the judge endeavors to weigh the needs and requirements of each spouse. In cases in which children will be affected by a divorce, the judge’s mandate requires prioritizing the “best interests,” safety and well-being of these minors. While judges may reprove spouses who commit crimes or engage in other highly immoral behavior, this is the exception and not the rule.

Parties must be especially on guard against a pervasive belief that moral misdeeds of one will result in more favorable financial results (alimony and property division), or more favorable custody/parenting terms, for the other.  The truth is that only serious marital fault, resulting in serious physical, emotional, or financial harms, could affect the outcomes at trial, whereas “garden variety” fault, including infidelity, will not.

Stay cool

Judges often see their role as first guiding lawyers and parties to develop an agreement that all parties can live with, and second, making the final decisions if the parties are unable to do so. Therefore, a party’s behaving in a manner that the judge perceives as inflexible or vengeful is a terrible idea. This means that regardless of the other spouse’s actions or behavior, it is never advisable to get angry or verbally attack others in the judge’s presence. On the other hand, if the judge perceives you as willing to work towards a solution, he or she may be more receptive to your positions along the way. 

And if the case needs to be tried to conclusion, doesn’t it stand to reason that the court is more likely to treat the better behaved party more favorably?  It’s just human nature.

Conclusion

If you or your loved ones should require legal advice, coaching, or direct advocacy in any pending family law disputes, including post-judgment problems, please call upon our law firm to help you.  We will analyze the facts, research the law, and give you opinions and recommendations on the best ways to proceed – or not proceed.  We will listen to your concerns with respect; treat you with compassion; and be tough advocates, when necessary, to achieve solutions that are just and reasonable for you.  Please call or write us today.  Let’s start with a conversation.  We are here to help you, and we aim to please.