Parenting time is an all-purpose label for when divorced or separated parents spend time with their kids. Whether it’s reasonable depends on the facts, yet it’s the best interests of children that reign supreme.

The term “visitation” was used in the old NJ statutes. It described a parent’s status when they didn’t have legal custody (the ability to make important medical, legal, and education decisions for the child) yet still had a right to spend time with their child. The State statute was changed, and the phrase is now “parental time”, but the modifying word is “appropriate,” not “reasonable”. In common parlance, lawyers, judges, mediators, arbitrators, mental health professionals, and forensic experts speak of “parenting time”.

What is Parenting Time?

“Parenting time” is the time a parent spends with their kids. It’s typically the result of a schedule where each parent fairly enjoys time with their children, benefiting both the child and their parents. Custody covers rights the parent or parents have to make child-rearing decisions and exercise overnights with children. Parents could share this “legal” custody, but one may have much less time with the child than the other. Parenting time is considered time with a child, no matter what legal rights of influence and decision-making they may or may not have.

In NJ, parenting time issues are unique to each case, yet generally cover:

● Regular parenting time: The daily and weekly “ordinary” time the parents spend with their children
● Special occasion parenting time: This may be Mother’s and Father’s Days as well as each child’s and each parent’s birthdays
● Holiday parenting time: This is the time spent during holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Day, Labor Day, July 4, Memorial Day, and Labor Day weekend
● Vacation parenting time: This allows parents, when and if they vacation, to spend extra time with their kids during the school year and summers

It’s great to have an agreed-upon schedule, but parenting time is also affected by parents who don’t drop off or pick up kids on time, insist on swapping holidays at the last minute, or generally disrespect the other parent and the value of their time. These incidents throw sand in what could be a well-oiled parenting time machine.

The Elephant in the Room: Your Child’s Best Interests

When you think about parenting time, you may focus on what’s reasonable for you. Maybe you take a back seat when a mediator recommends a plan, or a judge or arbitrator decides or approves a plan. They’ll only approve a schedule that’s in your child’s best interests, not yours. You may dislike this idea, yet to some extent, you could say you’re just along for the ride.

Think about how your needs and those of your child blend. When do both of your interests point in the same direction? When we discuss a possible schedule with opposing counsel or a judge, mediator, or arbitrator, though we talk about what’s workable and realistic, we also put the primary focus on how your proposed schedule is in your child’s best interests. That’s what carries the day.

And, it should be obvious: a schedule that works for a 5-year-old will radically shift and look nothing like a schedule that works for a 16-year-old. The former will do what the parents want, for the most part. The latter will direct much of what happens with parenting time, with academics, lessons, sports practice, social life, and the like.

Though your child’s best interests are paramount, parents aren’t entirely left on the sidelines. New Jersey Statute 2A:34-23, et seq., states in pertinent part:

It is in the public policy of this State to assure minor children of frequent and continuing contact with both parents after the parents have separated or dissolved their marriage and . . . it is in the public interest to encourage parents to share the rights and responsibilities of child-rearing to effect this policy.

We need to weave a parenting schedule that fits your needs, your child’s best interests, and reasonably accommodates the other parent.

What Makes Parenting Time Reasonable?

As you can tell, this is not a one-dimensional inquiry. It looks at facts and circumstances that change over time, and no two kids or adults are exactly alike. When organizing parenting time schedules, think about your immediate, practical circumstances and future events that may affect the children and the parents. For an agreement to be reasonable and effective in the short and long run, it must have equal parts structured yet flexible. Parents and children change schedules, have last-minute problems, and couldn’t meet a “carved in stone” schedule for any length of time, even if they want to.

Just like a child does, a parenting time schedule needs to grow and change over time. Kids’ involvement in activities may shrink or grow. Over time they’ll need to spend more time on schoolwork. They may prefer to vacation with friends, not parents or siblings. A parent’s work schedule, need for time with an elderly or disabled parent, or a move away from the area by a parent and children can throw an established parenting schedule into chaos.

Just remember this adage: Humans made it, humans broke it, and humans can fix it. That applies to parenting time agreements and custody as well.

Kingston Law Group: Get the Help You Need from the Lawyers You Trust

If you have any questions about parenting time or child custody, call the Central Jersey law offices of Kingston Law Group at 609-683-7400, or contact us online, for a near-term reduced fee initial consultation. We will listen to your facts, explain the laws, and advise you on how best to obtain legal, economic, and social justice. We will present optimal choices to protect your legal rights and interests and those of your child(ren). Call or write us today. You will be glad you did.