Divorce is one of life’s most emotionally complex experiences, and every couple brings a unique mix of personalities, expectations, and communication styles to the process. While there’s no single explanation why some relationships thrive and others fail, many cultures have traditions that offer insights into personality and compatibility. One of the oldest and most enduring is the Chinese zodiac, a system that links birth years to 12 symbolic animals and five natural elements.

Kingston Law Group’s divorce practice has helped thousands of clients begin anew. No matter what caused your relationship to end, Kingston Law Group will zealously assert and defend your legal rights. We will put in the work required to protect your short- and long-term interests – as well as your children’s. Call us at 609-683-7400 or contact us online to learn more.

The Chinese zodiac can be a fascinating way to try to understand human nature. For some, it provides cultural and emotional context that may influence how couples approach major life events, including marriage and divorce.

What is the Chinese Zodiac System?

The Chinese zodiac is a 12-year cycle, with each year represented by an animal sign: Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, and Pig.

Your zodiac sign is determined by your year of birth, following the traditional Chinese lunar calendar. For example, 2020 was the Year of the Rat, 2021 the Year of the Ox, and 2025 will be the Year of the Snake. The zodiac also incorporates five elements: wood, fire, earth, metal, and water. They rotate along with the animal signs.

Each element adds another layer of personality influence. A “wood dragon” may be creative and growth-oriented, while a “metal dragon” might be more ambitious and determined.

These animal and element combinations create a framework for understanding how people think, communicate, and respond to stress. These are all qualities that can deeply affect how people approach relationships and conflicts.

How Might Zodiac Signs Influence Divorce Tendencies?

While the zodiac isn’t seen as destiny, it may reveal personal tendencies that could contribute to marital challenges. Here’s how each sign’s personality traits might play a role in relationship dynamics and divorce:

• Rats are clever, resourceful, and adaptable. They tend to be charming but can also be anxious and secretive. In relationships, they may struggle with trust issues or overthinking their partner’s motives. During divorce, a Rat may be strategic—focused on protecting assets and securing stability
• Patient and dependable, Oxen are grounded and loyal. They value long-term commitment but can be stubborn and slow to compromise. When a marriage ends, Ox-born individuals may find it emotionally difficult to accept change, often prolonging the process because they prefer predictability
• Tigers are bold, passionate, and independent. Their charisma attracts others, but their strong will can lead to power struggles in a relationship. When divorcing, Tigers may want to take charge, sometimes leading to confrontational or high-conflict separations unless guided toward compromise
• Rabbits are gentle, empathetic, and peace-loving. They dislike confrontation and often avoid conflict until tensions become unbearable. In divorce, they may seek mediation or amicable settlements rather than litigation, but they can also be overly accommodating to keep the peace
• Dragons are confident, ambitious, and natural leaders. They have high expectations in relationships and may become frustrated if their partner doesn’t share their drive. During divorce, Dragons tend to be assertive, seeking control over decisions and outcomes. Their pride can make compromise difficult
• Snakes are intuitive, elegant, and private. They value emotional connection but can become jealous or suspicious if they feel betrayed. In divorce, snakes may keep their emotions hidden, focusing instead on negotiation strategy and long-term self-protection
• Energetic and freedom-loving, horses crave excitement and independence. They may struggle in relationships that feel restrictive or routine. A horse divorce can bring a sense of liberation, though they may act impulsively during the process, needing careful legal and emotional guidance
• Goats are artistic, sensitive, and kind-hearted. They are generous partners but they can become emotionally dependent or indecisive. When facing divorce, goats often feel overwhelmed by practical details and may benefit from patient, empathetic legal counsel
• Monkeys are intelligent, curious, and social. They love variety and stimulation, which can make long-term relationships challenging if they become bored. In divorce, monkeys often approach negotiations creatively but may lose focus unless the process is structured
• Practical and detail-oriented, roosters are perfectionists who value honesty and order. They can be critical or rigid in relationships. During divorce, roosters may fixate on fairness and accuracy, which can either streamline the process or stall it if they become overly combative
• Loyal, honest, and compassionate, dogs are protective partners who crave emotional security. When betrayed or disappointed, however, they can become deeply resentful. In divorce, dogs may prioritize fairness and try to shield children or loved ones from conflict
• Pigs are warm, generous, and sincere. They value harmony and dislike deceit, sometimes to the point of naivety. During divorce, they may trust too easily or agree to unfavorable terms to avoid confrontation. Compassionate legal guidance can help them balance kindness with self-protection

Under the Chinese zodiac system, this is only the beginning of the potential influences on a spouse.

How Do the Five Elements Come Into Play?

Each zodiac sign is also influenced by five elements, which rotate every two years and further shape personality and compatibility

• Wood represents growth, creativity, and compassion. Wood signs often seek harmony but may struggle with boundaries in relationships
• Fire brings passion, confidence, and spontaneity. Fire signs can be exciting partners but may have volatile tempers
• Earth reflects stability, responsibility, and loyalty. Earth signs are dependable but may resist change, making divorce emotionally difficult
• Metal embodies strength, determination, and resilience. Metal signs often approach divorce with focus and discipline, but they may be emotionally distant
• Water signifies intuition, empathy, and adaptability. Water signs are emotionally aware and tend to prioritize peaceful resolutions, though they can be overly influenced by others’ emotions

The combination of animal and element creates a personality profile. A fire tiger may be dynamic but confrontational, while a water rabbit might avoid conflict even at personal cost. In divorce proceedings, these tendencies can influence negotiation styles, communication, and emotional recovery.

Of course, no astrological system can determine the outcome of a relationship or legal case. However, acknowledging cultural beliefs respectfully can help attorneys build trust and offer more personalized guidance. Recognizing that a client born in the Year of the Ox might resist rapid change or that a Tiger may prefer a decisive legal strategy could make attorney representation and advocacy more effective.

The Chinese zodiac is more than a horoscope. It’s a centuries-old lens on personality, compatibility, and human behavior. Whether one sees it as cultural wisdom or symbolic storytelling, the Chinese Zodiac can shed light on emotional and behavioral patterns that affect relationships. If you’re navigating through a divorce, understanding personality dynamics, zodiac-inspired or otherwise, will empower you to approach the process with clarity and compassion.

The post How the Chinese Zodiac May Influence Your Relationships, Divorce, and Your Lawyer’s Advocacy first appeared on Kingston NJ Law Group.

Why are More Older People Getting Divorced?

Gray divorces, those involving spouses fifty and older, doubled between 1990 and 2010, reports a 2022 study, according to an article in Vox. More than a third (36%) of US divorces are gray. For almost two-thirds of them, this isn’t their first divorce. Younger couples have higher divorce rates, but gray divorce rates are catching up.

Before the 1970’s, there were only “fault” divorces, in which couples needed to justify the legal end to their marriage. Then came “no fault” divorces, and the number of marriages ending in courtrooms increased.

More women joined the workforce starting in the 1960’s, and some were no longer financially dependent on their husbands. That group is reaching its 60’s and 70’s, and many of them have the resources to get divorced and live on their own. The social stigma of divorce has faded over time. Couples no longer feel compelled to stay together for the sake of staying together.

Generally, older couples divorce for reasons similar to younger couples, with some exceptions. One survey of older divorcees found the following:

• Men divorced because they grew apart from their wives, their spouse’s infidelity, different financial views, their wives’ mental health issues, or disagreements about their children
• Women’s top motivators included infidelity, their spouse’s addiction to pornography or alcohol, emotional abuse, growing apart, and their husbands’ mental health issues

Older adults weren’t getting divorced for personal fulfillment because their spouses held them back from living their best lives. But traditional midlife milestones may push couples to at least consider divorcing. If grown kids leave the household, then child rearing is no longer a distraction.

The focus now is on the relationship. Discontent that may have simmered over the years may burst into the open. Retirees may question what they want to do with the rest of their lives and how/if they want to relate to their spouses.

What are the Financial Consequences of a Gray Divorce?

Child support and custody aren’t normally issues in gray divorce (but pet custody may be) so the big nut to crack is usually dividing retirement income, assets, and debts. Usually, finances, incomes, and debts have been blended for decades. Women are at risk of getting the short end of the income and asset stick in a gray divorce.

Often both spouses take a hit in a gray divorce. Splitting wealth at a later age can result in a 50 percent loss in wealth that’s not regained. One study found divorcing older women see their household income drop by 45 percent, compared to 21 percent for men. Women typically only make up for this loss by remarrying or finding another partner. They’re also more likely to have put their careers on the backburner to raise children, and earn less than men during their lives, so they probably contributed less to retirement than their husbands.

A critical part of the divorce process is dividing assets and income equitably. Ideally, both spouses should leave a marriage on roughly equal financial footing. Effective legal counsel can help a spouse restart their lives with a fair share of the couple’s financial resources.

How Do Lives Change After a Gray Divorce?

If women are harmed more financially in gray divorces, men take the social hit. Mutual friends tend to side with the ex-wife. During marriages, many men rely on their wives for social planning. They may lag behind their wives in the quantity and quality of friends. Gray divorce support groups can help men connect with others facing similar challenges.

We have to plan for retirement in many ways, not just financially. The same is true of those going through gray divorces. Most of those undergoing gray divorces are happy that they did, but there’s a risk you could go from living with someone in a dysfunctional divorce to living alone and in isolation.

More than 16 million older Americans are living alone, or 28 percent of those 65 and older (compared to about ten percent in 1950), according to the San Diego Union-Tribune, and many have significant health issues. Almost 40 percent have the following:

• Vision or hearing loss
• Difficulty caring for themselves and living independently
• Problems with cognition, or
• Other disabilities

If help at home isn’t available, living alone can magnify these challenges and make problems worse. Compare to those living with others, seniors living on their own have a higher risk of the following:

• Becoming isolated, depressed, and inactive
• Having accidents
• Neglecting to care for themselves
• Being hospitalized more often
• Suffering earlier-than-expected deaths

There are no one-size-fits-all solutions for older divorcees living isolated lives. Living near family and maintaining friendships should help, but moving away to be closer to family may take you away from friends. Support groups and volunteering can be critical to keeping someone connected to others. Working can help your finances and maintain relationships with others. Planning your life after your divorce may be just as crucial to your well-being as planning your divorce.

Contact Kingston Law Group for Help with Divorce Matters

For help with a divorce, call us at 609-683-7400 to arrange a near-term reduced-fee initial consultation. We will listen to your facts, discuss the law, and advise you of your options. We accept credit cards and offer appointments from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., Monday through Friday. We also have pre-arranged evening appointments. Contact us today. You will be glad you did!!

The post Fifty or Older and Getting Divorced? You Are Not Alone! first appeared on Kingston NJ Law Group.

People With Drinking Disorders are More Likely to Divorce

If you’re in this situation, don’t blame yourself. You can’t control everything.

Those with an alcohol use disorder (AUD) are much more likely to divorce, according to findings of a survey of 43,083 adults. The results were published in a 2014 article in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol Drugs. Researchers found that 48.3% of those with AUD had divorced in the past, while only 30.8% divorced where alcohol was not an issue.

When Is it Best Time to Divorce Your Alcoholic Spouse?

Divorce is easier said than done, especially if you’re in a long-term relationship and you have children. But it’s a manageable process that can leave you much better off than when you started. Promises Behavior Health has these suggestions on when it’s time to end your relationship.

1. You’re Being Negatively Impacted

Your physical and emotional well-being are suffering, causing practical problems in your everyday life. You may be dealing with the following issues:

• Anxiety and depression
• Your own substance abuse problems
• You’re not keeping up with your work, family, or personal obligations
• You don’t sleep well
• You’re not taking care of yourself or your children
• You may have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Financial problems caused by your spouse’s alcohol abuse
• You channel your anger at others, not your spouse

These are all red flags for you to make changes in your life.

2. You Spouse Shows No Signs of Stopping

Your spouse may be at any one of these challenge points in their addiction, including:

• They don’t understand they have a problem, recognize what’s going on, or grasp the destruction that’s going on;
• They don’t care or don’t want to make the effort needed to change;
• People with an addiction often seek help after they “hit bottom.” Your spouse hasn’t reached a point where things are so bad the problem is undeniable, and they must choose between using alcohol and living their life;
• Given the physical changes chronic alcohol use makes to the brain, they need professional help to stop, but they’re unwilling to get it;
• Past interventions with family and friends haven’t resulted in lasting changes; and
• They may have tried to get sober in the past yet have given up and won’t try again.

As much as you may love and care about your spouse, there’s only so much you can do and take. These are decisions and actions that only you can take.

3. Your Spouse is Dangerous and Unpredictable

Alcohol can make people erratic and impulsive. It clouds their judgment and they may act and say things that expose themselves to danger.  Sometimes they don’t realize and sometimes they just don’t care.  They may:

• Drive while impaired;
• Get into physical altercations with others;
• Threaten others or themselves with harm;
• Spend a lot of money frivolously;
• Become belligerent and act out for no legitimate reason;
• Become physically or emotionally abusive towards you, your kids, extended family members, friends, or even strangers; and
• Become depressed, withdrawn, sad, and talk about self-harm or suicide.

Living with an unpredictable and potentially violent spouse can make you anxious, depressed, and hypervigilant, causing your physical and mental health to suffer.

4. Your Spouse is Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abusive

Alcohol can lubricate the gears of abuse inside your spouse’s damaged personality. When sober, they may not lash out or even express regret over past aggression.  They may promise not to do it again. But moments of clarity can be washed away when the drinking pattern starts anew.

Your spouse’s impulse control and judgment may disappear, while anger, jealousy, and vindictiveness go into overdrive. They have easy access to you or your children, so you or the kids are the focus of their attacks. They may attack you with their body or use a weapon. Your spouse doesn’t see you as another human being. They must control you and may “punish” you if you’re not living up to their “rules.”

If your spouse is domestically violent, get to a place of physical safety and call the local police as soon as possible.  Filing for a temporary restraining order and then a final order can be very important in this situation, with or without a divorce, to avoid potentially severe or fatal injuries to you or your children. We have helped many spouses in these situations. Contact us so we can help you escape what you’re enduring and be safe.  There are superb community agencies dealing with mental health and domestic violence.  We will help you access such groups.

5. You’re Still Married Because You’re in Fear

Fear prevents you from improving your lifestyle, getting divorced, and moving past a relationship that’s harming you and your kids. You may fear many things, including:

• The divorce process;
• Others will find out about your personal and relationship problems;
• Some will unfairly blame you for the situation;
• Physical retaliation by your spouse;
• Your spouse’s decline will accelerate, and they may kill themselves;
• You’ll be financially unable to start over; and
• You believe, without evidence, that ending your marriage will be more harmful to your kids than continuing it.

Ninety-eight percent of NJ marriages end with agreements between the parties and uncontested divorces.  So, if you’re fearing a trial, it probably won’t happen. Others may find out about your situation, but you’re not to blame for it, and you should feel no shame in putting your life (and the lives of your kids) on the right track.

You may be entitled to spousal and child support. Your finances may be tighter than your current situation, but you should find freeing yourself from a substance-abusing spouse to be worth the cost. Your children will be better off with a single, fully functional parent than living with the chaos and harm that occurs in a household with a parent who cannot live without alcohol.

We can take steps to discourage your spouse from getting near or contacting you. Violating a protection from abuse order can result in an arrest and possibly jail time for your spouse. Your spouse is responsible for their own health and safety. You’ve tried to help, but you can only do so much. A divorce may be the “bottom” your spouse needs to turn their lives around.

If It’s Time for a Divorce, We Can Help

For those married to alcoholics, divorce can be the first step towards your health and happiness. During the initial consult, we will listen to your facts, explain the law, and suggest right and reasonable approaches for your children and you. We are compassionate counsel and tough advocates and we are ready to help you! Call us at 609-683-7400 or contact us online to schedule a near-term initial consultation at a reduced rate. Call today. You will be glad you did.

The post Is it Time to Divorce Your Alcoholic Spouse? first appeared on Kingston NJ Law Group.

A Divorce Without Court Appearances

Directive #18-20 from the state’s Administrative Office of the Courts published instructions for courts to enter defaults and uncontested judgments without the parties appearing in court in most dissolution (divorce) proceedings. Couples reaching comprehensive agreements do not need to show up in court to get divorced.
The judge assigned to your case can have proceedings done remotely through the use of the telephone or a teleconference. Cases that can be processed this way include verified divorce complaints, annulments, and dissolutions of civil unions and domestic partnerships.

Default cases are those where a spouse files for divorce, gives proper notice to the other spouse, who doesn’t file a timely response with the court. These uncontested cases involve spouses who either just want to end their marriage/civil union/domestic partnership or, in addition, the two agree on all the issues between them (such as child custody and parenting time, child support, spousal support, and property distribution).

If there’s a property settlement agreement, each side must submit a certification acknowledging they have a right to attorney review of the agreement before they sign it. The spouse filing can resume using the name they used prior to getting married as state law permits.

Uncontested Divorces Can Be Simpler and Cheaper…

Court appearances cost time and money. There could be multiple appearances depending on the couple, the issues being contested, and how difficult they want the process to be for their spouse. They often involve both sides arguing over one topic or another. All this increases divorce fees and costs for everyone involved.

Most spouses reach an agreement and avoid the need for a trial. If a couple has few assets or they have clearly separated them and no children are involved, they could seek an immediate dissolution. When relationships are more complex, if all the issues can be ironed out prior to the filing, the divorce also could be concluded with little court involvement.

…But Simpler Isn’t Always Better

Don’t choose simplicity for the sake of simplicity. You need to protect your rights and interests and those of your children. You should consult with a lawyer before starting the process. There may be issues you’re not aware of that you need to consider. You can’t get a “do-over” divorce, so you need to measure twice and cut once.

If your relationship is more complicated, you may have some wealth, you share children, and you might own a closely held or family-based business. Even if you opt for a simpler process, issues like spousal support, asset and debt division, child custody and support must be completely worked out to avoid a trial. This may take some couples longer than others, but almost all couples resolve their differences without the need for a contested trial.

Do Your Homework

New Jersey not only provides a simpler process you might use, but it also gives you background information to help you understand the law and what’s going on. Although what’s available isn’t legal advice and shouldn’t be used as such, the New Jersey court system has online material that can help you understand the law and your legal rights. There’s a divorce “Self-Help Center” with useful information, including:

● How to file for divorce
● Responding to a divorce complaint
● Contested and uncontested cases
● Settling your case
● Modifying a divorce order

Kingston Law Group urges everyone to educate themselves about their rights and obligations in the divorce process. If you know what’s going on, you tend to worry less. It can also help you “game plan” your divorce. There are things that you and your spouse care deeply about. If you’re in conflict, knowing how divorce works can help you think about possible compromises that both sides can agree to and live with.

When deciding on a divorce gameplan, don’t rely on everything you learn on the internet, even when it’s from a reputable source like the State of New Jersey. There’s too much at stake for you to go through this alone. You need the help of the Kingston Law Group. Our attorneys are experienced in New Jersey family and divorce law.

Kingston Law Group: Get the Help You Need from Attorneys You Trust

If you have any questions about the divorce legal process, call the Central Jersey law offices of Kingston Law Group at 609-683-7400, or contact us online, for a near-term reduced fee initial consultation. We will listen to your facts, explain the laws, and advise you how to obtain legal, economic, and social justice. We will give you your best options to protect your legal rights and interests and those of your child(ren). Call today. You will be glad you did.

The post New Jersey’s “Divorce on the Papers” Could Save You Time and Money first appeared on Kingston NJ Law Group.

The internet is the world’s largest gossip column and most popular place to complain about any and all things. Airing your dirty marital laundry online is a terrible idea. Not only might friends and family members see it, but your spouse’s attorney may see it too. Put your hands up and step away from your tablet or smartphone next time you feel the urge.

Your online presence can significantly impact divorce negotiations and create a settlement agreement. Don’t discuss your marital problems online. Assume anything you write, any videos you post, can and will be used against you, one way or another.

An article in Divorce Magazine discusses instances where things stated online impacted real-world divorce proceedings:

• A husband divorcing his wife listed himself on a dating website. He falsely stated he was single and without kids. The wife got a copy, gave it to the attorneys involved, the custody evaluator, and their son’s therapist.
• Complaining about your spouse online is especially damaging if your kids have access to your posts. It’s bad enough if you argue privately. It’s much worse when it’s in public. Your kids will feel humiliated knowing your whole community could be on the sidelines watching the two of you verbally fight it out.
• You may be so angry you don’t care who reads your online shotgun blasts, but it can impact relationships beyond your spouse. What will friends, family, or your boss think of your anger and lack of control when they see your posts?

Deleting a post may or may not actually delete it. Assume it’s permanent. There could be a cached version or a screenshot on a server. Your estranged spouse may have saved it the old-fashioned way by printing off a copy.

Blocking or “unfriending” someone can be ineffective in preventing them from seeing something. The two of you may have mutual friends, so that person may still see what you’re posting. Privacy settings continuously change, so you never definitely know who is or isn’t seeing something.

Discussing online, or even worse, posting photos of an extramarital affair may, depending on the issue, be great news to the other spouse because it may make you look bad. If a spouse owns a business and brags online how great things are going, it’ll be hard to complain the company lacks assets and isn’t worth much money. Discussions of the division of marital assets, payment of spousal and child support may be spiced up by LinkedIn posts and online press releases boasting of new contracts and clients.

Make no threats, in any way, to your spouse, whether they’re threats of violence, emotional blackmail, or actions to alienate your kids against the other parent. This is bad enough during a divorce proceeding. Stating these things online is like adding napalm to the fire. It’s incendiary, there for all to see, it’s obvious you said those things, and you can’t take it back.

Not only is this material available for all those online, what you’re posting may be admissible evidence in a trial if your case doesn’t settle. Deleting material after litigation begins could be seen as willful destruction of evidence, also known as spoliation of evidence, which creates a separate cause of action for damages. This may be more harmful to your case than the material you deleted.

In sum, negative, angry social media posts and other material you may put online won’t strengthen your negotiating position. They’ll put you in a weaker position. Being too emotional and spreading private information will help your spouse, not you. As much as you may want to participate in the online world, you must be mindful of its impact on the real world.

We understand the stress that comes with divorce and how, sometimes, stress relief can take harmful turns. The Kingston Law Group knows what you’re going through. We want the best for you in the shortest time possible. If your spouse isn’t interested in cooperating, we can be fierce advocates for your legal rights.

We can also help you finalize an uncontested settlement and divorce, rapidly. Call us at 609-683-7400 or contact us online so we can schedule a near-term initial consultation at a reduced rate. We are conveniently located in Central Jersey’s Kingston community. Call today. You will be glad you did.

The post Getting Divorced? Social Media and the Internet May Not Be Your BFF first appeared on Kingston NJ Law Group.

If your relationship is in trouble, turning things around with special events, nights out, or a vacation may be too little too late, according to an article in Inc. magazine. Grand gestures may be the equivalent of trying to ace an exam by pulling an all-nighter, instead of consistently going to class and studying along the way.

Research by psychologists John Gottman and Janice Driver shows that couples’ responses to each other’s bids for attention in everyday life is predictive of marital success or failure. Examples, according to an article in Psychology Today, include:

• Sharing stories about your day: Wanting to share a story, no matter what it’s about, concerning what we have experienced, is a bid to connect. We want to feel heard, understood, valued, and supported.  That bid needs to be met consistently, by both spouses.
• Grasping for attention: We want to show the person something. A neighbor is cutting a tree down. A video that makes you laugh. It’s a way to get attention.
• Sharing accomplishments: When your mate tells you a success story, they want to be validated. What they did, and who they are, should be recognized
• Sharing a post or link: In our digital age, communication is a way to connect and start a conversation. You saw something your spouse might find interesting.  You want to brighten the other person’s day.
• Talking about a common interest: This is the real-time version of sharing a post or link. Discussing a topic of common interest not only sends a message about the subject but is also a way to say, “I think this is interesting and we could talk about it.”
• Seeking a hug or physical affection: If your spouse reaches out to you, he or she is showing their need to feel connected, and you need to connect.
• Expressing a concern: Ask each other about a recent problem. It’s a way to show you care about the other person.

There are three different ways to respond.

• Turn toward your partner: Perform the task, listen attentively to whatever your spouse wants to talk about, engage in a discussion, physically reach back
• Reject the bid for attention: Refuse to do the task and give an excuse. This approach isn’t wholly hostile because there’s still room for conversation or negotiation
• Turn away: This is the most lethal response for relationships.

According to research, six years after a group of newlyweds were first observed, the ones still together turned toward each other, on average, 86 percent of the time as newlyweds, when facing a bid for attention. Those who split up turned toward each other an average 33 percent of the time.

Individual, couple, and family therapy are available whenever you hit a rough patch.  If substance abuse is a part of the mix, it is essential the couple deal with it therapeutically.  If you catch problems early, most of them are “fixable”.  If you wait too long, you will find it is too late. The other party or you may decide to “disinvest”.

If either of you have an affair during marriage, that betrayal is hard to overcome, but it can be done if the parties jointly agree to save the relationship, including (but certainly not limited to) the children’s sake.  If the reconciliation is going to work, the third-party interest has got to be shut out entirely and permanently, or the marriage is going to fail.

If there is domestic violence in the relationship, we will insist on counseling for either party we represent.  If the violence is active, we will help our client obtain a Final Restraining Order.  When we defend such cases, it must be on behalf of a party who has been unjustly accused or is ready to make a change – or we won’t represent them.

Once you’ve tried your best to make a declining marriage work, and you still don’t see a reasonable resolution, then we are here for you.  We are compassionate divorce counsel and excellent advocates for your short- and long-term interests.  We will be there with you every step of the way, along with financial, mental health, and other experts needed to get you through the process intact and headed towards a solid future for self and children.

We recommend various tools of Alternative Dispute Resolution, such as collaborative law, mediation, arbitration, direct negotiating with the other lawyer, and all similar approaches.  ADR tends to be more private, less expensive, faster, and more satisfying than traditional litigation.  It is a win-win approach rather than a win-lose (or a lose-lose) method.  We are very experienced in these modalities and will help you use one or more to best effect.  If those methods do not work or only work partially, chances are we will need some court involvement to get to resolution.  Less than 2% of cases that start in court end up in a full trial.  We try the 98% solution but need to prepare for the 2% event – and it can be hard to predict.

Bottom line, we understand children and families.  To the best of our ability, we will not make things unnecessarily difficult, time-consuming, or expensive for you – although we do not control the other party or their counsel.  We will do what we must, with your permission and consent, to get the divorce finalized.  And we are fierce advocates when necessary.  Call us at 609-683-7400 or contact us online to schedule a near-term initial consultation at a reduced rate.  We are conveniently located in Central Jersey’s Kingston community. Call today. You will be glad you did.

The post Prevent Your Divorce? Make Your Marriage Succeed first appeared on Kingston NJ Law Group.

When couples experiencing financial distress decide to call it quits, their issues about money do not disappear. We have found that involving financial advisors in the divorce process can help transition couples to more stable, independent lives that allow them to grow in new directions without as much financial worry. This practice tends to produce better outcomes for all parties involved in the divorce.

Impartial financial advisors will facilitate many aspects of the divorce that otherwise turn adversarial. Employing a third-party expert to work with both sides helps control client emotions, set reasonable expectations, and provide a complete picture of how finances will factor into the divorce proceedings. The financial professional can also show the divorcing couple the long-term impact of financial decisions being made now, and, in the best-case scenario, suggest options for the best outcomes, including a clear path to retirement.

Some benefits and best practices of working with financial advisors during a divorce include:

• Financial education and development of better financial habits.
• Tracking expenses/income, creating budgets and getting a clear picture of their financial reality.
• Setting attainable, measurable and reasonable financial goals.
• Putting some retirement, healthcare and other advanced planning into play.
• Setting clear lines of communication and financial ground rules for the process.

The best way to work through financial issues during a divorce involves complex questions and hidden variables. Having a skilled and experienced divorce attorney on your side can greatly affect how both you and your former spouse work through the difficulty. Call the Central Jersey law offices of Kingston Law Group at 609-683-7400, or contact us online, so we may offer you a near-term reduced fee initial consultation — and get you started on your case.  We will listen to your facts, explain the law, and guide you on the best pathway to economic and marital justice.  Call now.  You will be glad you did.

The post New Jersey Divorce: How Financial Advisors Can Ensure a Smoother Breakup first appeared on Kingston NJ Law Group.

When one spouse decides to fight the divorce itself, and not just the important underlying issues, this tends to complicate the process for the other party.  Understanding what this means will help you figure out your available options.

Both sides have the right to file causes of action for divorce against the other.  One party files a complaint; the other may file an Entry of Appearance (wishing to be heard only on underlying issues, but not contesting the requested divorce); or may file an Answer denying the grounds asserted; or may file an Answer and Counterclaim, asserting his/her own grounds for divorce against the originally filing party; or may file nothing, preferring to proceed by default (discussed below).  A Final Judgment of Divorce involving cross-complaints for divorce would be called a “Final Dual Judgment of Divorce.”

Is There a Difference Between a Contested and Uncontested Divorce Complaint?

We have seen cases where the stated cause of action was a screaming fault ground, but the issues were easy to resolve.  That is not a contested case.  We also have seen mild causes of action asserted, but the underlying issues were hotly disputed.  Those are examples of contested cases.  You must keep your eye on the underlying issues.  That is the material from which contested cases take shape.  A fight over child custody is not going to change direction simply because a party files on the grounds of irreconcilable differences.  That could portend a fight to the death, regardless of the stated cause of action.

Whether or not the other party contests your divorce complaint, you have the right to proceed with a divorce cause of action, whether irreconcilable differences, extreme cruelty, adultery, habitual addiction, or other similar grounds for divorce. In New Jersey, a fault ground is, generally speaking, no more or less powerful than an uncontested ground for divorce.  Sometimes people use a fault basis to make a point about the other party, regarding their character, personality, drug/alcohol habits, mental illness, or the like, because it may be relevant and helpful to them in a child custody fight on the issue of parental fitness. Otherwise, fault versus no-fault grounds makes little difference in the economic life of a divorce case.  People get neither more nor less alimony, child support, or distributed property based on the cause of action. Basically, if there is a recognized ground for divorce in New Jersey and you are willing to swear to it on the facts of your case, you will get your divorce.

In bygone days, fault grounds, if proved, could lead to a trial court decision on alimony, child support, and property division.  Except on the issue of child custody/parenting time, those days are over in this State.

Fault re-enters the picture if a party’s behavior has been outrageous, making it unfair and unreasonable to treat them as an equal partner in the dissolution process.  Reckless injury to a child, personal injury to a spouse in the context of domestic violence, gambling away marital assets, or transmission of an STD are examples of extreme fault that, if proved, could result in punitive measures being taken by the Court.

Even if your spouse does not cooperate with the service of process (summons or acknowledgement of service), they cannot stop you from filing or getting the divorce you want.  Once you file for divorce, your spouse will receive a proper legal notice notifying them that you’ve filed for divorce.  However, just because you filed and they received the notice doesn’t mean they will comply.  If they ignore the notice and refuse to sign the divorce papers, you will then have to apply for “default” divorce.  This means the Court and you will move forward in the other party’s absence, and that party is “stuck” with whatever the Judge may decide to do. The other party has a very limited right to become involved in the divorce at that point.

What Is a Default Divorce in NJ?

A default divorce results if a divorce complaint is filed and the spouse receiving the notice (the “defendant”) doesn’t respond to the court within 35 days.  At that point, the filing spouse (the “plaintiff) will file a request for entry of a default divorce judgment against the defendant.  Defaults may not be obtained against members of the US military or legally incompetent people.  Regarding military service, you (or your lawyer on your behalf) will certify to the Court that your spouse is not a member of the United States military.  If your spouse IS in the military, then you must wait for them to come back stateside before proceeding for divorce.

Default Divorce by Agreement

When all other divorce issues have been resolved and both parties have agreed that one spouse will file the complaint for a default divorce, this is a Default Divorce by Agreement.  A benefit is that the defendant/other spouse saves both time and money by not filing an answer or an Entry of Appearance.  In such cases, most often the parties enter into a binding Matrimonial Settlement Agreement, setting forth all agreements on the issues of child custody and parenting time, child support, alimony, division/distribution of jointly acquired marital assets and debts, and payment of counsel fees, mediator fees, appraisal costs, CPA costs, and the like.  After each party consults with separate legal counsel and signs the deal, the landscape is safe for proceeding by default judgment.

Is it Possible to Get a NJ Default Divorce without a Court Appearance?

A default divorce by agreement, without a court appearance, is available in some counties, but not all.  Each allowing Family Court will have specific requirements that you will have to meet after you submit a signed settlement agreement, including a certified statement with answers to question that would have been asked during your hearing – but now must be answered in a sworn document since you will not be there. It is best to have legal counsel finalize the divorce on your behalf, to make sure you measure twice but cut only once.

What if you Don’t Have a Settlement Agreement?  May You Still Proceed on a Default Basis?

It will be your responsibility to serve the notice of the hearing and final judgment proposal (with attached settlement agreement) to your spouse.  If you do not have a settlement agreement, you will have to file with the Court and serve on your spouse a notice of application for child custody and parenting time, child support, alimony, equitable distribution of property (with a statement of assets and debts), and any other relief requested.  For example, as a woman, you may wish to change your last name back to your birth name.  You can accomplish this as part of the divorce, but only if you ask for it in your papers ahead of time.

Notice to the other party should be served at least 20 days before the hearing and you must request a return receipt for mail delivery as proof of service. Simultaneous service by regular mail assures that you may proceed even if the certified mail document is returned unopened.  You will need to bring proofs with you on the day of the hearing or submit them to the Court in lieu of personal appearance if permitted.

Other Options

The No Fault Divorce Option

If you agree with your spouse in a Settlement Agreement to file the divorce under no-fault grounds, to make it easier to get them to sign the divorce papers, then your cause of action will be contractually limited to what you bargained for.  This is an enforceable agreement.

The Contested Divorce

It is rarely true, yet sometimes a party contests the cause of action and will not yield.  In that case, you may either shift the cause of action to a no-fault one, or try the cause of action “as is”.  To insure your ability to proceed, it makes sense to plead alternative causes of action:  Count One is adultery. Count Two is Extreme Cruelty. Count Three is Irreconcilable Differences.  And so on.  In contested divorces on the cause of action, the trial judge will decide the cause of action and any other issues remaining in controversy.  It is extremely rare to have a trial solely on contested grounds of divorce.  We think a Judge would push back in such a case, as judicial resources would be wasted on that enterprise, presuming everything else were settled.

Mediation, Third Party Neutral Attorney, Arbitrator, Collaborative Law

There are Alternative Dispute Resolution procedures that could help resolve cause of action and all other issues that may arise between the parties.  Speak with your lawyer about the uses and wisdom of each.  Having the parties consult with an impartial third-party lawyer for advice, a mediator for facilitative approaches, an arbitrator to decide matters for the parties outside court, or collaborative lawyers to work with the parties and their therapeutic and financial advisors can help you to resolve problems you may face with your spouse — and avoid court.  This can help resolve issues where one party may feel that the divorce process may be unfair to them, or where a power imbalance threatens to make the divorce process protracted and expensive.  This will expedite signing the papers and working out a settlement so that you can successfully divorce and both parties – and their children – may move forward with life.

Conclusion

If you or someone you know has a crisis or concern about family court, divorce, child custody and parenting time, permanent removal of a child from the State, parental alienation, alimony, child support, division/distribution of jointly acquired marital assets or debts, Domestic Violence, adoption, juvenile delinquency, name change, or any related issues, please contact the Kingston Legal Group — now. 

We are conveniently located on Route 27 In Kingston, Central Jersey, just north of Princeton.  Please write or call us for a near-term and reduced fee initial consultation.  We will listen to your facts, explain the law, and help you chart a pathway to economic self-sufficiency and social justice. Call today. You will be glad you did.

Kingston Law Group
609-683-7400

The post “What Are My Options If My Spouse Contests the Divorce?” first appeared on Kingston NJ Law Group.

Across the spectrum of NJ Family Court cases, the financial and emotional costs can be high.  Emotional upheaval should be handled in therapy:  family, individual, separation counseling, and the like.  This post focuses on funding the “financial cost” in divorce.  In many family law cases, the trial court has the power to award you counsel fees and costs, directing (ordering) the other party to pay some or all of them.  On such a request, the trial court (or motion judge) must take into consideration the financial resources of each party, as well as the context of the dispute.  When it is clear that one party has acted “unreasonably”, in “bad faith”, or caused the other party to expend resources to enforce a prior court order, the trial court’s mandate should be to make the injured party “whole”, as much as reimbursed fees and costs can do so.

In In the Matter of the Adoption of a Child by M.E.B. and K.N., a 2018 New Jersey Appellate Division opinion, the panel upheld the trial court’s award of counsel fees and costs in favor of the defendant parents and against the plaintiff grandparents.   The defendant parents were awarded counsel fees twice, in separate but related matters, due to the plaintiffs’ bad faith conduct.  In the first matter, the plaintiff grandparents, who were out-of-state residents, filed a New Jersey case to adopt their grandchild from the child’s natural parents.  The grandparents said the natural parents had abandoned the child.  The defendants fought this action, delivered credible testimony, and successfully urged that New Jersey courts had no subject matter jurisdiction.  The defendants won the case.  The trial court assessed the financial standing of both parties and established that plaintiffs had far more resources available to them than the defendants.  Due to the plaintiffs’ having filed an action without subject matter jurisdiction, the trial court concluded the process was burdensome for the defendants.  The trial court awarded more than half of the money requested in counsel fees to the defendants, and stated that because the plaintiffs knew or should have realized they had no case for abandonment, their filing itself was an act of bad faith. 

Those same plaintiffs later filed a separate complaint for child visitation, which the defendants sought to dismiss.  As in the prior case, plaintiffs lacked proper standing in the court.  They later filed a motion to withdraw their complaint voluntarily.  However, they sought to do so without an award of counsel fees or costs to or from either side.  Yet again, the trial court awarded counsel fees to the defendants, reasoning there was a straightforward and cost-effective way to handle this matter — but the plaintiffs had chosen otherwise.  The trial court held plaintiffs had acted in bad faith for a second time.  Although the court did not award full counsel fees to the defendants, the fees and costs it did award undoubtedly helped defendants carry the financial burdens of the case.  The Appellate Division affirmed the trial court’s counsel fees and costs award in full.

In a separate 2018 NJ case, an ex-husband moved to suspend his alimony payments because he had lost his job.  His ex-wife, the plaintiff, moved to deny this motion, as she too had recently lost her job. When defendant made his motion, however, he had been collecting severance for nearly five months and had one month remaining.  While the motion was pending, the defendant did not pay a single month’s alimony and both parties got new jobs.  The plaintiff notified the court of her new job and salary, and also informed the court the defendant had a new job, which he neglected to tell the court.  The trial court later denied defendant-ex-husband’s motion to suspend payments and awarded plaintiff ex-wife’s $1,000 in counsel fees.  The court reasoned that defendant did not show substantial changed circumstances warranting a suspension of his alimony payments.  His severance was intact when he filed his motion.  The court also noted that defendant did not announce he had received a new job approximately one month after his severance ran out.

In response to the trial court’s decision, the defendant moved for reconsideration, and the plaintiff cross-moved for counsel fees.  The trial court denied the defendant’s motion and awarded an additional $2,500 dollars of counsel fees to plaintiff, stating that defendant did not satisfy his legal burden for reconsideration.  The court explained that defendant’s motion to suspend alimony was premature as he was still receiving severance equal to his full salary for the six months immediately after he lost his job – and this employment status was only temporary.  The court awarded the counsel fees to the plaintiff because the defendant’s motion was premature and his failure to pay appropriate alimony violated her rights. 

On appeal, the Appellate Division affirmed the trial court’s decision, stating temporary changed circumstances are, legally, an insufficient basis for modification.  The defendant continued receiving nearly equal compensation during the period he was unemployed and did not show an inability to pay the agreed-upon alimony.  The plaintiff cross-appealed for full counsel fees, however, the Appellate court rejected this, affirming the court below.

Per NJ Court Rule 5:3-5(c), trial courts, legal counsel, and parties consider many factors when a party seeks a counsel fee and costs award, in addition to the financial circumstances of each party and the good faith/bad faith/reasonableness of the parties’ taken positions.  These include:

• The ability of a party to pay their own or contribute to others’ fees
• The extent of the fees
• Previously awarded fees
• Fees that have been paid to counsel previously
• The results obtained
• The degree to which fees were incurred to enforce existing orders or to compel discovery are also taken into consideration
• Any other factor bearing on the fairness of an award

CONCLUSION

If you or someone you know has a crisis or concern about family court, divorce, child custody and parenting time, permanent removal of a child from the State, parental alienation, alimony, child support, division/distribution of jointly acquired marital assets or debts, Domestic Violence, adoption, juvenile delinquency, name change, or any related issues, please contact Kingston Legal Group.  We are located on Route 27. Please write or call us for a near-term and reduced fee initial consultation.  We will listen to your facts, explain the law, and help you chart a pathway to economic self-sufficiency and social justice. Call today. You will be glad you did.

The post Counsel Fees and Costs in New Jersey Family Court Actions: The Mechanics of Obtaining an Award first appeared on Kingston NJ Law Group.

In addition to marrying the same man, both women were teachers, they joined the same sorority in college, were members of the Junior League, and had stacks of divorce documents. They decided to pool their resources and write a book, to help others going through a divorce.  It is called, appropriately, “The Ex-Wives’ Guide to Divorce: How to Navigate Everything from Heartache and Finances to Child Custody.”

Says Shepherd, “We’re trying to help take away the stigma of divorce. Just because your relationship failed doesn’t mean you failed as a human being.”

Here are some of the authors’ suggestions for people in divorce:

• The authors are not financial planners, yet they have financial advice. Fill out the financial worksheet your attorney gives you quickly and completely. Create a separate bank account for yourself so your spouse can’t control your money. Apply for your own credit card so you can establish credit just in your name. If you haven’t already, get a free copy of your credit report, make sure it’s accurate, and if it’s not, make corrections. Change all passwords on any financially- related websites, including frequent flyer miles, and obtain duplicate copies of any accounts, from sports tickets to car titles.

• Kids will never forget when and how their parents announced they were getting a divorce, so that needs to be handled with great care. Both parents should break the news and show a unified front, agree to answers to expected questions ahead of time, and keep it short. Your children will only be able to absorb so much. Consider your relationship with your ex a business partnership. If one thinks the children need counseling, then the other should presumptively agree. Create clear boundaries and don’t use your child as your therapist or parent. Once the divorce process starts, keep things as “normal” as possible. Celebrate birthdays and holidays as best you can.

• When dealing with your emotions, you first need to be aware of them. Separate the business of getting a divorce (like filling out forms) from the personal side (like feeling angry or depressed). If you come purely from emotion, you won’t be able to make sound legal or financial decisions, which is what divorce boils down to. Divorce is the death of early dreams, so be prepared to grieve through the different stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Make a priority of the positive things in your life, like friends. If you can’t afford expensive fun with them, enjoy cheap fun with them. And definitely get therapy, as much as you can, as much as you can afford.  If your X2B is giving you a hard time, if there is active hostility between you bordering on violence, if there are persistent communications blocks, then consider divorce counseling.  It is not a trick to get you to reconcile.  It is a path to get yourself divorced.  Use it.

The message of the book is that divorce, too, shall pass. “The divorce doesn’t have to define you,” says Miller. “It is a defining moment in your life, but it is not the last chapter.”

If you are considering a divorce and have concerns about how it will financially impact your children and you, call the Central Jersey law offices of Hanan M. Isaacs, P.C., at 609-683-7400, or contact us online.  Schedule a near-term reduced fee initial consultation with one of our experienced divorce lawyers.  We will listen to your facts, explain the relevant laws, and advise about your best options to protect your legal rights and interests. 

Call now.  You will be glad you did.

The post You Can Learn from Their Mistakes: They Married and Divorced the Same Guy first appeared on Kingston NJ Law Group.